Lately it seems like my life has revolved around Candy Land, Go Fish, and Connect Four. Little L has a little competitive streak that makes me laugh, unless I win, which means I'll be dealing with a meltdown. For a while, I thought it would be easier to let him win consistently. Tantrum avoided + game enjoyed = success. This was an okay idea until he started to play games when his friends came over. The instant he realized he didn't win, he lost it. That's when I realized that I had been missing out on teaching opportunities by always letting him be the winner. Not to mention he had an inflated sense of how good he was. I decided it was time to stop being so easy on him.
I don't mean that I'm going to crush him every time we play. (I know that sounds pretty confident on my part, but face it, Mommy vs. 3 year old... It's pretty obvious who's going to win.) So, here are some strategies I've discovered to help me continue to have fun with my toddler, while giving him the opportunity to be a better sportsman.
Here are some ideas:
1. Give your child a head start. Everyone will have more fun if you are trying your hardest to win. If you are racing, let them start closer to the finish line. If you are playing Go Fish, give them a target amount of matches, and give yourself a higher target. Get creative!
2. Celebrate winning, without making other players feel inferior. I hate winning against sore losers. It totally detracts from my victory. Success story: Picture this; me and 2 three year olds battling it out on Candy Land. L's friend was totally dominating the game and his face grew more and more desperate, full of hope that he would pull some last minute maneuver and take the victory. I was more worked up than him, wondering how I could avoid the inevitable meltdown at the end of the game and not downplay the victory for his friend. The inevitable victory happened and, before L could react I shouted "You made it! Hurray! Now everyone run to the castle! We have to make it to his party!" The friend was excited that the party was in honor of him, and L felt like he got to participate in the rewards of the victory. Which ultimately, isn't that why we all play games? To enjoy ourselves?
3. Show children how to recognize their strong points, even if they lose. Children soak in compliments like a paper towel. If you continually compliment them on achievements during the games, it's easy to reiterate them at the end of the game, and take the focus away from the loss, and focus more on the accomplishments. "I can't believe you tricked my queen like that! That was so clever!" or even "Wow, you are getting so much better at this!"
4. Model good behavior. Offer continuous praise throughout the game to other players. Show that you can have fun without having to be the best.
5. Role Play it up! A little bit of acting can go a long way and be an effective way to prove a point. If you have an older child or adult playing with you, you can show them Exhibit A: vs. Exhibit B. Ask them which friend they would like to play with, the sore loser or the congratulatory friend.
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